Woody's Single Life..

I know I haven't posted in a while...story of my life. But I've had a lot going on! So please forgive me, pumpkin =) On to more pressing matters concerning my ladies who are deep in the dating scene and drowning in losers. Trust me, I've dated all types of losers and have found a mostly fool proof way to limit the time you waste on total tools. I call this post, "Woody's Guide to Dating." First Date: What you do on the first date is super important. Think about it. Do you really wanna be stuck waiting for your entree to come when you know after your first sip of water that homeboy is not your steelo? My time is precious, bitches. And if I can say one thing about a first date choice, it would be liquid. Always choose to meet for a drink or for a cup of coffee. That way, you can have one drink or one cup of coffee and have a totally legit reason for bouncing up outta there if Romeo's a total Daryl. You following me? Don't commit more time than

So...since I am on season 3 of "How I Met Your Mother" on Netflix, I can say that (hopefully) my writer's block/days of disappointing posts are over. I am on episode 17, "The Goat" that has been focussed on "The Bro Code." I always hear the term, "Bro Code," but very seldom hear the term, "Girl Code" anymore. I know it exists, ie: always hold your girl's hair back when she's bowing to the porcelin god, or don't date your friend's ex, but when you get past your highschool/college days, do the rules change? I mean, on "How I Met Your Mother" these guys/gals are late twenties/early thirties, but I've only heard discussion of the bro code. I tried researching girl code online, but I've just found video vixen wannabes talking about "never let your girl leave the house without a pedicure" or "don't be a hater." Really? C'mon. These are not realistic "rules" for girl c

Greetings bitches! Well I have gotten into lots of shannanigans the past 11 days!! It kicked off on Thursday 6/28 when I went to my mom's house for dinner and was surprised by 15-20 of my closest girl friends for my birthday. And I partied all weekend for my birthday including Monday (my actual birthday) and Tuesday (birthday dinner at dad's) until I left for Seattle on Wednesday for my college buddy's wedding. So needless to say, I partied the whole time I was there. So yea, my liver apologizes for not allowing me to write in a while.                                           But all this birthday chaos and wedding hoopla got me thinking. Even after seeing all the happily married/engaged couples...I realized I like my single life. I really do. And I don't think I'm at a place that even if I was in a relationship, I could really settle ALL THE WAY down (ie: marriage, moving in, etc.) I would get bored and complacent and want to pull my hair out (or th

Breakup... Sorry to invoke that inevitable physical reaction that the very word alone invokes in all of us. But it happens. In the rare case that you are someone whom has never experienced this awful, terrifying situation, kiss my ass. Oh and stop reading this because I want to strangle you. Thanks. Moving on...there are so many different kinds of breakups: the breakupper, the breakuppee, the cheater, the one cheated on, the abuser, the abusee, the list goes on. Regardless of your role in the breakup, the stomach flipping anxiety is present in all of us. Whether it's caused by guilt or betrayal or denial, we all have to deal with it one way or another. In this post, I would like to tell you my golden rules of what NOT to do after a breakup. You can thank me later. 1. DON'T OBSESS! Whatever you do, do not obsess...over any of it! Don't obsess about what the other person is doing, who he/she is seeing, underlying reasons for the breakup, where that person is hangi

I'm sorry it's been so damn long...again. The truth is, I don't have a damn thing to write about. It's not so much writer's block as it is dater's block. The difference being I choose not to date, and writer's block is involuntary. I'm just over it right now. I'm sick of going on dates with guys that are an inevitable disappointment due to my unrealistic standards and honestly I just enjoy the freedom of going where I please when I please and hogging my bed and watching bad tv without answering to anyone else. This is why I probed my friend about something I could write about based on his experiences. I love getting dudes opinions and stories from their own life experiences. The male in question will remain anonymous, but he is a dear friend who is happily married. We'll call him "Taylor." So Taylor and I were hanging out at a local bar the other evening and I asked him to tell me a story. I randomly ask this of my friends all the

I am so sorry it's been so long my web chums! I've had so much going on! I started a new job which I LOVE!! Speaking of new job, the girl I share an office with is an avid reader and turned me on to the ever controversial read, "Fifty Shades of Grey." Yep. I'm obsessed. While it is certainly racy; there are many ways to interpret the book and apply it to any relationship. In my opinion, it has to do with emotional availability and what you're willing to compromise to make a relationship work. I, personally, am notorious for getting consumed in relationships with unavailable men. Emotionally and otherwise. Sure, I have had a few flings with guys that are great on paper. Single, handsome, successful, funny...BORING. Now...to their defense...they are not ACTUALLY boring. They are just too available (Translation: they like me and will work and compromise to make a relationship work). The last guy I dated was great. I broke it off rather hastily and I feel

Thanks to the blog " Sex, Lies & Dating in the City " for posting the article by Dennis Hong . Be sure to check it out! Yowzas! Some girls might be highly offended by this article. I, on the other hand, completely get his thought process. Basically, this single man blogger wrote an article about how to tell if a guy likes you. He was asked this question by one of his girlfriends and he jokingly said, "sleep with him and if he calls you again, he probably likes you." The rest of the article actually backs up this very tongue in cheek idea. I don't think girls should run around sleeping with every guy they meet, but he does have a point. Just sayin. Read it! http://www.simonegrant.com/blog/2012/05/01/how-to-tell-if-a-guy-really-likes-you/

This post may come out of left field, but I have not been blogging about my personal experiences lately and this is going to be a cluster fuck of randomness. So hence the title, "You're Welcome." So I've been dating a bit. One guy in particular...we'll call him Jay. Sweet guy. Tall. Funny. BEARD! (I a love a the mountain man look!!!!) Dark hair and B-E-A-UTIFUL green eyes! We went on our first date about a month or so ago. Totes didn't feel up to it. Honestly I was a little hungover, jaded, and all around bored with the dating scene. But due to the fact that I was NOT content with turning 29 a spinster, I gave it a go. We were to meet at Triangle Char & Bar in West Ashley. I got there first (awkward). I sat at the bar and just prayed every dude that passed my way was not him. Then finally this tall (thank god) security guard looking guy (but less threatening...more of just a big dude) walked up to me. I'm kind of into big dudes though because let'

I know. I can most definitely be a drama queen. Now, am I the craziest of drama queens? Hell to the no. But I can escalate a situation from 0 to 60 in less than a minute and no I'm not proud of it. Neither should any other DQC's out there! This is something I've been trying to improve on for years and I must say that it has enhanced my quality of life tenfold! That being said, I will take you on an educational journey through the different definitions of a drama queen, why boys no likey, and how to purge the drama without losing yourself. Drama queens are those who take the most insignificant issue and wildly spin it into a catacollismic crisis of massive proportions. They're the ones crying in a restaurant bathroom because their boyfriend is paying more attention to the waitress than to them. Or the one who opens their big mouth disclosing a secret told to them in confidence because they can't resist the temptation of a true life soap opera. Or they take on t

Heads up: this post has taken the longest of any others I've ever written, mainly because out of all of the crazies, I am the furthest removed from this one. I may have grown up in a family that rarely wanted for much, but my parents taught me the value of a dollar, the importance of common courtesy and made me work for the things I wanted... So again, this may be one of my weaker posts, but I'll try to get through it.  You know her. Shit, you've probably known several. Hopefully you aren't one, but if so, listen up sista and fasten your seat belt because Woody's about to stuff a a big ass reality check in your face. Their dad's probably called them (or still do call them) "Princess." They also bought them whatever they wanted, gave in to every whim, and set them up for complete dating failure. The Princess Complex Crazy (PCC) refers to a girl who is completely devoid of reality and expects for the world to revolve around her. She finds the conc

Ok...for those of you who know me, I know what you're thinking: "Pot, meet Kettle...Kettle, meet Pot." I know this has been a perception some people have had of me before. And honestly, I don't think all party girl's deter relationships! Party Girl Woody circa 1996-2008, yea, total relationship deterrant. But I have learned to balance my party girl ways with my "keeping my shit together" life. I had to grow up. Do I unleash my PG at times? You're goddamn right I do, but I use all of the fun qualities of my PG and apply them responsibly (as much as possible...I ain't perfect) to my everyday life. If you've got a party girl in you, you can wave that flag when appropriate, but you have to have your shit together. If your PG gets in the way of being a contributing, responsible part of society, then you've gone from PG to PGC! Let me make the distiction of how PGC can fuck your dating life up: GoodNESS! I have seen (and in some ways be

We all know women like this. It's like a train wreck. You can't stop it. You can't slow it down. You sure as hell can't change it's course. You know exactly what will happen and you CAN'T TAKE YOUR EYES OFF IT!  It's so sad. It's like these ladies have a tick in their brain that compels them to do the same obnoxious shit over and over again. SFC is a pretty broad term since there's so many forms of SFC...equally depressing. Let's go over a couple shall we? One form of SFC is a coyote arm Clinger (Google it). This girl could be in your bed after you had a considerably indulgent evening. And the next morning, while you have no intention of dating this girl, in a split second, moment of weakness, rookie move, you give her your number. Not the "go to" random digits to your favorite take out or one of your home boys numbers. Your REAL number. That was your first mistake. Any positive affirmations thrown her way are wildly exaggerated

Ok...I'll admit it...some of these qualities do apply to me. However, there are many different kinds of crazy...Jebus there could be an entire blog devoted to this one subject! But over the next few entries I will run through the different types of crazies that can land you in Spinsterville. I'll also give my advice on how to modify this behavior so that you might at least get a day pass out of town. Take it or leave it. Just my opinions I've gathered from what I've seen and experienced in my 28 short years. Here goes...  #1 PICKET FENCE CRAZY  This is someone who is OBSESSED with finding love. So clouded by the idea of a relationship and marriage and the picket fence, etc. that she is too blind to actually find it. A date with a chick like this could end with her naming y'alls first born. However, before you get all confident (MEN) thinking you can spot these chicks a mile away and avoid them like the plague...it would be irresponsible of me not to cl

***Disclaimer*** If you are a part of my life: friend, family, ex-boyfriend, girlfriend of my ex-boyfriend, etc...you are NOT off limits. I will change your name, but if it's blogworthy then there's no way around it. I always speak the truth and sometimes that shit hurts. So don't waste your time by calling me to moan and pout about it or awkwardly confront me at a bar. I will not take down any posts. If you and/or your relationship is that insecure then that's your problem. Go write a blog about it. Happy Thursday beautiful people! What a week! Thank GOD it's almost over! I have been spending a lot of time this week thinking about stories to write about, when I remembered an interesting situation I found myself in a couple of weeks ago. Here goes... I went to have drinks with 3 of my guy friends after they left a work dinner. One is divorced and single, one of them is clueless and single and the other one is married...So I walked up on an intriguing

Happy Monday! I hope you all had an amaxing weekend! I sure as hell did...understatement. But the night that blew my mind was Friday. Some of the gals and I went to check out my buddies reggae band's video shoot. I was dressed to impress in my typical dress and boots combo and feeling hot! Thank GOD I chose the particular outfit I did because I ran into THE ex. Not some short lived romance ex...THE ex that was my first love whom I dated for 7+ years. This was the relationship that almost broke me. It was a cripplingly dependent hot mess of a rollercoaster ride I shared with this fellow. We broke up and got back together more times than I can even count. I was cheated on, pushed around, and we both partook in some verbal abuse. But the last time we were together, he lived in an apartment complex on JI where I pretty much lived with him. When a new neighbor moved in across the hall, we both introduced ourselves and made her feel welcome. I immediately knew something was off with

Ah yes...here we are again. I am sipping on some very fine wine I got on sale at Total Wine and have been inspired, once again, to enlighten the world wide web of my single woman apiphanies. All of thee are welcome. So on a split second, bad judgement call wimb, I decide to text my ex-boyfriend...let's call him Bob...just to catch up. Compare notes on our single and equally independent lives. It always makes me feel better to know I have a single ex out there who doesn't have an automatic sherades partner they're occupying their time with. So on nights like tonight, when I need a little pick me up, I grab the ol' telly for a bit of a reminiscing sesh, if you will. I believe I will think twice before deciding to make that call again. So I text him a witty one liner from Anchorman to get things going and finish with a "PS: this is my last attempt to contact as this is getting pathetic...and I'm running out of witty one liners..." (Back pedal: the la

Good Monday all! I have had one helluva day. Besides the fact that I just found out I have to pay thousands of dollars to fix my car, I owe even more money in taxes and I just spent hundreds on boots (prior to knowledge of money owed); my work phone has been ringing off the the hook with wedding room inquiries.  For those of you that don't know, I'm a sales manager (amongst other things) at a popular hotel chain. And I went to the Charleston Wedding Show a couple of Sundays ago to represent our management company. It was kind of fun actually. The gal who came with me (another sales manager within our company) is a pretty cool chick.  And one of our Regional Managers was there too, but he's good people. Moving on...we had a kick ass display, we were meeting tons of bride and momzillas to be, and killing it! All of a sudden, I scan the crowd and see one of my exes walking in the crowd in the general vacinity towards our booth. He was with a girl who I can safely assume was hi

So I found a decent guy on this crazy dating site. Cute. TALL! Witty. He does unfortunately live about an hour and a half away (of course) but not an alien. We've been texting back and forth and I was feeling giddy for the first time in a while. I will go as far as to say I was/am crushing on this dude a bit. Very surprising seeing as the other guys I've come in contact through this site are either vertically challenged, have strange fetishes or are just fucking nuts. Anyway, I had to figure out a way to inevitably fuck it up right? Don't worry. I'm really good at this part. So last night I went to my step-grandmother's birthday party at the old folks home. The only way I was getting through that shmooze fest was to consume copious amounts of vino. Which I did. Upon my return back to my house, I started texting my new crush. We texted about our family, Stephen Colbert, you know...the usual. Then my evil twin (who hates me) came out and started texting. Whaaat a

Well...I left my computer at work, so blogging from a phone has its challenges. Here goes...so several months back I met my first online dude in person. He was in the air force. Thank you army, military, combat people...you're awesome! Just never wanted to date you. Nor have I ever been particularly attracted to you...just sayin. Anyway so he invites me for a drink at the Charleston Place bar. Swanky...not really my style. I don't really know why I went...biological clock maybe? Jesus is that thing fucked up and completely inaccurate! Anyway, one of the first things he asks me is, "Do you own a ball gown?" Hmmm...is this serious? What am I? Fuckin Cinderella? Yea champ...I got one in my purse and it poofs out when you put it in hot water ...wow. Anyway, long story short, homeboy wanted me to go to a military ball and all the other girls he asked...yes you saw correctly...ALL THE OTHER GIRLS HE ASKED...didn't have one. Well this date was really going places.

So...I somewhat recently went out on a date with the kind of guy I like to call the "know it all." Or in other words, "good luck getting a word in edge wise" dude. Met him on the oh so reputable free dating site, "OK Cupid." Seemed like a good guy (don't they all from the confines of a computer screen). His profile mentioned his love of math which was only a slight red flag...aren't all guys good at math? Whatever. Anyway, all of his pictures showed him playing rugby and oh so seemingly manly. So imagine my surprise when I show up to my neighborhood pizza joint to meet papa Smurf?? I'm not picky on looks...I'm really not. But I've got one stipulation I like to stand by...and I would like it to be 6ft +. I mean, I'm 6'2 in 3/4 of the shoes I own. But honestly...was totally willing to look past that obvious breech in profile honesty. That was...until he began his endless moaning about how he was 20 times smarter than all of t

Yes. I am 100% aware of why I'm single. I hate rules. It's as simple as those 3 words. All of these rules exist that ladies should wait for the guy to contact them, or to make the first move... If I want to talk to a guy, I reserve the right to text him witty one liners while mildly intoxicated until he texts back. Or to leave a voice mail with random chatter about a conversation I completely contrived in order for him to hear until he calls back to tell me I "butt dialled" him and left the funniest message. Or to ask a guy for his number...so that he will undoubtedly be "butt dialled" or drunk texted. We are supposed to be a mystery. I get it. I get it because these same mysterious qualities are what make a guy intriguing to me too. And the guys that say "I'm sick of games" and lay it all out there, immediately turn me off. We all just like the chase. And if you're easy prey...siyenara! I'm bored...round 2. So why...when I know al