Wednesday, March 21, 2012

The Top 5 Types of Crazy That Land Women in Spinsterville...#2 Stage 5 Clinger (SFC)

We all know women like this. It's like a train wreck. You can't stop it. You can't slow it down. You sure as hell can't change it's course. You know exactly what will happen and you CAN'T TAKE YOUR EYES OFF IT!  It's so sad. It's like these ladies have a tick in their brain that compels them to do the same obnoxious shit over and over again. SFC is a pretty broad term since there's so many forms of SFC...equally depressing. Let's go over a couple shall we?

One form of SFC is a coyote arm Clinger (Google it). This girl could be in your bed after you had a considerably indulgent evening. And the next morning, while you have no intention of dating this girl, in a split second, moment of weakness, rookie move, you give her your number. Not the "go to" random digits to your favorite take out or one of your home boys numbers. Your REAL number. That was your first mistake. Any positive affirmations thrown her way are wildly exaggerated in her brain and the hunt is on...Now ladies... C'mon ladies! Whatever happened to the rules? Don't ask for his number and CERTAINLY don't expect a call after a random hook up. Ok so I do know of a few relationships that have blossomed out of one night stands, but these are the EXCEPTIONS! NOT the rule. Pay attention. While a flirty hook up once in a while is somewhat acceptable if that's your shtick, don't expect for Prince Charming to be on a white horse with a dozen red roses the next morning. 9 times out of 10, that AIN'T HAPPENNIN'! Don't get his number and don't call him. Y'all were an escape for each other. That ride's over. Let it go. Don't go back to the same bar y'all met over and over again expecting to "randomly bump into eachother"...that's creepy. Don't drive by his house several times a day...that's illegal. Moral of this form of clinger story is this: If a guy wants to spend time with you, he WILL get your number and he WILL call. Otherwise, leave it alone. People like you shouldn't have one night stands. It's irresponsible...and scary.

The other type of Stage Five Clinger is the Girlfriend Clinger. Oh boys, I can hear all of your hearts racing now. That HAS to be terrible. In fact I KNOW it's terrible because dudes can be clingers too and there ain't NOTHIN' worse than a clinger gf/bf! But let's concentrate on a lady clinger.'ve definitley been friends or ARE friends with this particular chick. Or for guys (and this is worse for y'all) you have either had a clinger gf or have been friends with a dude with a clinger gf. They are on their men like a Lohan to coke! Constantly asking them if they love them, if they look pretty, what are they doing, where are they going UGH!!! It's SO unattractive!!! Pull your head out of their asses ladies! Their just people! Just dudes! Do they love you? Well if you have to ask then maybe you should re-evaluate your insecurities in this relationship. Do you look pretty? WTF do you think he's gonna say? "No. You look like shit. Buy a comb." They don't like being asked personal questions all the time. Men will open up when they're ready. And don't nag them about their location all the time. Give him some space! Don't you have, like, a ladies night....or a fucking cat lovers meeting to go to? Calm it on down. You HAVE to have something else to do then worry about what your man's doing all the time. Live your life. Let them live theirs. And I promise your relationship will last longer than Whitney Houston's sobriety. And the time y'all spend together will be fun.  Not forced.

In closing, I would like to say, that Clingers are everywhere and there are so many forms of clingers, but these are the two I see most often. And if any of this resembles you, I guarantee you that is 100% why you are single. And if your not, you will be...soon. Just sayin. Over and out bitches!


  1. You are my new idol.

  2. Anyone that says that gets a french kiss! Totes kidding but ThaNk YoU! Please spread the word and I'll also feature your blog on my twitter and Facebook pages!