Monday, July 30, 2012

Growing Out of Girl Code and into Lady Code (Part One)

So...since I am on season 3 of "How I Met Your Mother" on Netflix, I can say that (hopefully) my writer's block/days of disappointing posts are over. I am on episode 17, "The Goat" that has been focussed on "The Bro Code." I always hear the term, "Bro Code," but very seldom hear the term, "Girl Code" anymore. I know it exists, ie: always hold your girl's hair back when she's bowing to the porcelin god, or don't date your friend's ex, but when you get past your highschool/college days, do the rules change? I mean, on "How I Met Your Mother" these guys/gals are late twenties/early thirties, but I've only heard discussion of the bro code. I tried researching girl code online, but I've just found video vixen wannabes talking about "never let your girl leave the house without a pedicure" or "don't be a hater." Really? C'mon. These are not realistic "rules" for girl code when it comes to girls who are older than 21. So I decided to piece together my thoughts on a code for grown up girls fittingly entitled, "Lady Code."

Click the book for Barney Stinson's "Bro Code"

Lady Code #1: Emergency Time Management

If your friend has a shitty day, make sure to do all that is in your power to make her happy. Now at this age, we've got a lot going on. Networking events, dates, plans in general, etc. #2 will touch on that. But hold your horses bitches; we're still on #1. Do what you can. If it's an immediate need, she most likely really just needs to vent. If she's crying and you have HUGE, CAN'T DELAY plans; listen intently while getting ready and offer the most sound advice possible. If you have serious plans that can totes be delayed:  IMMEDIATELY put her on speakerphone while actively listening. Then text your "I have a plan with you" person and tell them you will be 20-30 minutes late, then give your gal what she needs...whether it be listening, advice giving, ego pumping, etc. If you have no plans; YOU GET YOUR ASS IN THE CAR, OVER TO THE STORE, BEN & JERRY'S + WINE AND SHOW UP THERE, LIKE, YESTERDAY!!! That is code. Do not waver.

Lady Code #2: Be Reasonable

If you're having a really shitty day and you call your friend, don't expect for her to drop everything and show up at your door. At this age (as I said before) we have obligations. Sometimes, you have to understand that once in a while, you will have a time in your life that you will go through something with minimal outside support. If you're going through something huge, you let your friend(s) know and they will be there for you...but not at the drop of a hat. Face it. We're getting old and if we don't acquire adequate coping skills, we'll drown. Just be sensible about your friend(s) time. If you have a friend out there that will literally drop everything, anytime, chances are she needs you more than you need her. So get a therapist and give your friends a break. Be reasonable.

Lady Code #3: Don't Be a Judgy Wudgy Bear

Ladies do things they're not proud of. I'm not talking to anyone in specific, but chances are you're not perfect and you have wavered from your morals a time or two. What I'm trying to say is, everyone makes mistakes and/or does things they're not necessarily proud of. If your friend is one of these people and she is entrusting you with this truth, then the LAST thing she needs is judgement. It's hard enough living in a world where if a man bangs a chick and never sees her again, he's a pimp and if a girl does the same (vice versa) she's a whore; but to have your close friends judge you this way is just wrong. Now this is just an example. This could be about the fact that you're having an affair with a married man, or you kissed another friend's brother, or you threw a co-worker under the bus... you get the picture! Chances are, if you're a good person, you wouldn't be able to keep these things inside because it would kill you. So imagine your friend telling you this. Do not even flash a single hint of judgement their way. Good people do bad things sometimes and the way you tell the good people from the shitty ones is that the shitty ones don't feel bad enough to need to get it off their chest. Obviously, if the words are coming out of their mouth, they feel bad. So be a good friend. You don't need to condone it. Just try to understand why they did or are doing it and listen to them. Don't be a judgy wudgy bear. People totally hate that. Not cool maestro.

Lady Code #4: Don't Outshine a Friend

This has actually happened to me. I was going out with a guy for a couple of weeks and decided it was time for him to meet my best friend. (Disclaimer: this was my toxic bff at the time who only brought out the worst in me and we have not seen each other in years). But we ended up meeting up at a bar (one that both of us happened to bar tend at the time) and he was smitten...with her. However, if I was a dude and was introduced to someone who had on as little clothing as she did, my penis would think for me immediately as well. Long story short, he was no longer my date and she was no longer my friend. What a bitch. Yea. So if your friend loves you and respects you enough to introduce you to a guy she sees potential with, button up. I'm not saying you have to join a fucking convent. I'm just saying that you want to get in the friend zone with homeboy immediately and that is IMPOSSIBLE when you're wearing a goddamn miracle bra and a mini dress from Wet Seal!!! We know what we're doing ladies. Don't be a bitch. Don't outshine a friend.

Lady Code #5: Don't Reveal a Secret Told to You in Confidence by a Friend

Ya' just don't do it. I really don't need to elaborate on this too much. There are very few exceptions to this rule and very few excuses. Telling a secret that was told to you in confidence is ok for minimal reasons that only include life or death, eminant danger, or your best friend's dude just told you he cheated on her... that's about it. I mean, if you can think of more reasons, be my guest. There IS a comment section. It's all yours. But I really have nothing else to say on the matter.

Ok. Well I feel a multiple part post coming on. A: because I'm getting tired and would like to use my hands for finishing my glass of wine instead of typing. And B: revert back to A. So, to be continued...

Over and out bitches!!

My Girls! AKA the "Sista Wives"

Tuesday, July 10, 2012


Greetings bitches! Well I have gotten into lots of shannanigans the past 11 days!! It kicked off on Thursday 6/28 when I went to my mom's house for dinner and was surprised by 15-20 of my closest girl friends for my birthday. And I partied all weekend for my birthday including Monday (my actual birthday) and Tuesday (birthday dinner at dad's) until I left for Seattle on Wednesday for my college buddy's wedding. So needless to say, I partied the whole time I was there. So yea, my liver apologizes for not allowing me to write in a while. 


But all this birthday chaos and wedding hoopla got me thinking. Even after seeing all the happily married/engaged couples...I realized I like my single life. I really do. And I don't think I'm at a place that even if I was in a relationship, I could really settle ALL THE WAY down (ie: marriage, moving in, etc.) I would get bored and complacent and want to pull my hair out (or theirs). My life is the shit right now...well at least I think so. I can come and go as I please, I can leave dishes in the sink and clothes on the floor until I have company over, I can watch whatever the hell I want, I can spend my money on whatever the hell I please and I don't have to share my bed! Companionship? Who needs it? If I want to spend time with a dude or need something to be fixed, I have plenty of guy friends for that. And any other needs I can take care of with my B.O.B. (look it up) or an occasional booty call...I know I talk about this all the time, but the "tick tock" feeling of despair over being single at age 30 is a thing of the past! Do I want to have kids one day? Maybe. Do I want to wear that white dress and walk down the aisle? Sure. But what we late 20's and older single ladies don't realize is that there is so much fun and happiness to take advantage of NOW while we have no one else to answer to like a husband/boyfriend or kid! We waste so much time on online dating and bar scouring and dating douche bags when we could be living our fabulous lives and letting life happen to us, not the other way around. Think about how much stress could be avoided if you simply STOP WORRYING ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS. Even when you are dating someone...stop picturing yourself walking down the aisle or having kids with him. Let life happen to you. I am on official day 1 of "letting life happen to me." I will not waste another single minute wondering about my future dating life. I will not waste one more second looking at dating sites or scouring a crowd for a potential suitor. I am JUST GOING TO LET LIFE HAPPEN. I will keep you posted on how that works out. 

Over and out BITCHES!