Friday, May 18, 2012

Fifty Shades of Confused...

I am so sorry it's been so long my web chums! I've had so much going on! I started a new job which I LOVE!!

Speaking of new job, the girl I share an office with is an avid reader and turned me on to the ever controversial read, "Fifty Shades of Grey." Yep. I'm obsessed. While it is certainly racy; there are many ways to interpret the book and apply it to any relationship. In my opinion, it has to do with emotional availability and what you're willing to compromise to make a relationship work. I, personally, am notorious for getting consumed in relationships with unavailable men. Emotionally and otherwise. Sure, I have had a few flings with guys that are great on paper. Single, handsome, successful, funny...BORING. their defense...they are not ACTUALLY boring. They are just too available (Translation: they like me and will work and compromise to make a relationship work). The last guy I dated was great. I broke it off rather hastily and I feel terribly about it, but after the relationship before that when I let it develop and in turn ended up breaking his sweet heart, I didn't want to risk it. I knew the dynamics wouldn't work out. He even played the game to perfection. But I am entirely too insightful. I knew he was into me and too available and so I shut down. I wish I knew how to get over that. And surely one day I will when it is meant to be...when I find a man with the perfect ingredients and mix of availability with a slight challenge. Anyway...back on track Woody! The love interest in the book, Christian, has a thing with BDSM. (For those of you who don't know what that means...don't worry...I was confused on a couple of letters too: Bondage Dominance Sado Masocism). You're welcome. Anyway, this is the hurdle that Anastasia, the protagonist, has to conquer. It makes him appealing because it's a challenge for her to work to reconcile. I totally get it. She loves him, but he has needs she cannot fulfill and vice versa. For example: she cannot tolerate the punishment he needs to bestow upon her for his own sick psychological reasons. And in turn, he cannot offer her the organic kind of love she yearns for. In comes compromise. Easier said than done, my friends. I haven't finished the book, but in the real world, those two are incompatible. But he is the only one who makes her feel alive. So why is it that some women (myself included) cannot be satisfied with a man who has tons in common with them, treats them like gold and wants the best for them? This is the million dollar question. It terrifies me that I don't know if I'll ever be able to settle down with someone because of my reservations, but I have to keep having faith because I want the man I marry to be the man I am with for the rest of my life. I will keep seeking the answer my friends and I promise to report back.

Over and out bitches...


  1. (1) BDSM = Bondage-Discipline / Domination-Submission / Sadism-Masochism. Getting that right shouldn't have been too difficult.

    (2) "sick psychological reasons", nice going to label people and their habits. What sick psychological reasons do you have for blogging, then? For it's certainly a despicable habit!

    BDSM covers a lot of ground. So much ground, in fact, it's nigh impossible for any one person to have an interest in every branch and minutia of it.

    It could be something as simple as a man or woman who loves pulling hair or having their hair pulled, except it would play a more significant role for that person than just being a sexual kink.

    I realise that you employ a tongue-in-cheek amount of self-depreciation in your blog, but still you owe it only to yourself to know better.

    Some people may be into BDSM for sick psychological reasons. Some may be into it for perfectly healthy reasons. Ignorant labelling is unbecoming of a good person.

    1. You are right about the definition of BDSM. I make mistakes just like I'm sure you do as well.

      In regards to my quote, "sick psychological reasons," well, that was my opinion due to the context it is used in the book. The reason Christian is into BDSM is because his birth mom was a crack whore who neglected and abused him. All of his women that he made his submissives looked like his mom. So every time he was flogging, spanking, gagging, etc. these women, he thought of his mom. Again,"sick...psychological...reasons." I agree that not all sexual fetishes are unhealthy. To each their own. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors and it's none of my business. But no judgement here.

      I welcome your opinions. Just next time, please don't hide behind an alias. Also, please understand that I am a real person and I would like to be addressed as such. I will not stand for someone calling me ignorant, unbecoming, or anything else offensive on my own blog. It hurts my feelings. Yes, I have them. Just, watch your aggression in your comments, please. Otherwise, I will have to delete them. There is no room for negative energy on this blog. Thank you for reading my blog and stating your opinions. I hope you continue to do so, but in a more positive manner. I hope you have a great weekend.


  2. Wow your first comment was just mean. Sounds like that guy took your blog too personal.

    Anyway I was also going to correct you on BDSM but in a much nicer way, because I knew what you meant and I only wanted to help you out there. Not bust your bubble like Mr. Angry pants there (someone give that man a hug)

    I feel you girl on finding the right guy. It's hard, and I agree that most women want some kind of challenge. I think and I'm allowed to be wrong that because we know have to be super competitive at everything now, our off switches don't work. Everything has to feel like you've won it. So a man that is willing to give what he has to the best of his ability just doesn't seem right. I get that, I get that a lot actually and yeah it's scary.

    While I realistically never want to get married I still want to spend the rest of my life with someone and if my switch doesn't shut off and allow me to just receive love the way that special person wants to give it, I think I'll probably end up alone my damn self.

    I'm doing a book a week review on my blog now. Since I've been hearing a lot of hubub about 50 Shades of Grey. If you tell me a little more about it I might plug you in my youtube review when I read it in two weeks. I know you love a shameless plug. Come on girl hook me up.

    1. Thank you, Atiya! I just read that and was confounded by his/her aggression!! My post wasn't even about BDSM! Not the moral of the story anyway?? Sorry for making a mistake. What an angry person. But I will not delete his comment. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I welcome them. I just prefer them not to be so angry. Ah well. Thanks again, girl. And I will def email you in the next few days about my impression of the books. I'm almost done with the last one. Girl you know I do love me a shameless plug =) In fact, I was thinking about you today and how I need to plug you on one of my posts. Or maybe you could do a guest post on my blog! I'm running out of material hahaha!! And I would be honored. Anyway, talk to you soon! Tootles!!