Wednesday, June 27, 2012



Sorry to invoke that inevitable physical reaction that the very word alone invokes in all of us. But it happens. In the rare case that you are someone whom has never experienced this awful, terrifying situation, kiss my ass. Oh and stop reading this because I want to strangle you. Thanks. Moving on...there are so many different kinds of breakups: the breakupper, the breakuppee, the cheater, the one cheated on, the abuser, the abusee, the list goes on. Regardless of your role in the breakup, the stomach flipping anxiety is present in all of us. Whether it's caused by guilt or betrayal or denial, we all have to deal with it one way or another. In this post, I would like to tell you my golden rules of what NOT to do after a breakup. You can thank me later.


Whatever you do, do not obsess...over any of it! Don't obsess about what the other person is doing, who he/she is seeing, underlying reasons for the breakup, where that person is hanging out, etc. I know that in the past, I have gone through a breakup and immediately started facebook stalking. Who is that girl he's with? Is that his rebound? Was he seeing her before we broke up? What does she have that I don't? Jesus, I sound pathetic. So in an attempt to save you from embodying these pathetic characteristics, stop!


It's over. Move on. You don't need to analyze every part of the relationship and wonder what you could've done differently. This is somewhat of an extension of number 1. If you continue to engulf your thoughts with him/her, and why it didn't work, then you're not making the necessary steps to improve yourself and become whole again. His fault, her fault, it doesn't matter! It's over. I can't say this enough...move on!


Facebook stalking is one thing, but actual stalking is illegal...and dangerous to your reputation (don't act like that's not important. C'mon, we fought our parents about the insignificance of reputation in high school...we're adults now...and that shit's important). You don't want to be viewed as the guy or girl that shows up places that the ex is at just to shamelessly throw yourselves at them, or worse, causes a scene to get their attention. Pathetic is not a strong enough word to describe this behavior. All the time you're spending trying to randomly show up at their local hang outs, is time you're missing out on mending yourself and healing your wounds. Take care of number one home slice.


I mean that in every sense of the word. Bypass the ice cream aisle, opt for the glass of wine, not the whole magnum bottle. You catch the drift. These things may make you feel better in the short term, but in the long run, you'll turn into an obese alcoholic. And no one likes a fat ass with a drinking problem. That shit's just straight up unattractive. (Yes, you can call me a hypocrite because that picture to the left was taken by my house...after a breakup. I knew it would come in handy one day).


This is hard. I know, I know...when we're down and out, it's easy to want to feel that connection with someone else...anyone else. But a one night stand ain't gonna heal your aching heart (cue Billy Cyrus). You will wake up the next morning and feel like shit. Shame, guilt, disgust...all of these are unfortunate feelings and why subject yourself to such avoidable feelings? Just say no to the random hookup. Now I'm not saying that hooking up is always a terrible idea, but if you're doing it to escape the hole your ex left in your heart, then it's a good chance that a hook up would only make that hole bigger due to the sharp edges that shame and regret tend to use in order to carve bigger slices into your already wounded heart. No bueno my friends.

Now...all that being should know that these are very hard things to avoid after a breakup. And I'm not saying I always avoid all of these don'ts. Some of these things are damn near impossible to avoid. But really try to pick yourself up and look forward, not back. Breakups suck and you feel like shit after and all you want to do is distract yourself of the reality of the pain. But the pain you feel after a breakup is temporary. Hard to believe but true. The way you deal with a breakup, if dealt with the wrong way, can have lasting consequences. Do yourself a favor and don't be a dumb ass. Get your shit together...see a therapist if you have to. Just don't dick yourself over. You've got to put yourself first. Be a little selfish. Indulge yourself in something that makes you organically happy. Over and out bitches!

PS: Please check out my girl Atiya Townes blog "Remaking Me." Her writing is entertaining, comical and very refreshing. Told you I'd get you back girl! Xoxo!

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