Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Really maestro?

Well...I left my computer at work, so blogging from a phone has its challenges. Here goes...so several months back I met my first online dude in person. He was in the air force. Thank you army, military, combat people...you're awesome! Just never wanted to date you. Nor have I ever been particularly attracted to you...just sayin. Anyway so he invites me for a drink at the Charleston Place bar. Swanky...not really my style. I don't really know why I went...biological clock maybe? Jesus is that thing fucked up and completely inaccurate! Anyway, one of the first things he asks me is, "Do you own a ball gown?" Hmmm...is this serious? What am I? Fuckin Cinderella? Yea champ...I got one in my purse and it poofs out when you put it in hot water ...wow. Anyway, long story short, homeboy wanted me to go to a military ball and all the other girls he asked...yes you saw correctly...ALL THE OTHER GIRLS HE ASKED...didn't have one. Well this date was really going places. I named our first born while restraining myself from strangling him. So he asked me to go to another bar with him which I respectfully declined and all of a sudden I get this alter ego, "you don't like me do you. Oh god. You just hate me. Aw man. What can I do to make it up to you???" "Go back in a time machine and totally stop you parents from reproducing!" Ok I didn't say that. But after him whining the whole way back to my car, I wanted to! When I finally saw my car...I ran to it. Locked the doors. And prayed he didn't slash my tires. Creepster!! Don't stick around after someone asks if you own a ball gown. You might be chopped into little pieces. Just a little bit of advice from me to you. You're welcome.


  1. Haywood!! I love your blog so far! When I read your entries it feels like we're having a beer somewhere just gabbing! :) Two things: a) I used to have (and still recommend) three rules for deciding if a guy is worth your time 1-he can't be wearing sunglasses (you'd be amazed how many weird eye situations emerge once those glasses are off) 2-no hats (what kind of crazy hair is he hiding?) and 3-he can't be sitting down (you know what happens when he stands up, yep, eye to eye with your boobs!); and b) when I was a senior in high school a guy asked me to prom and when I politely declined he said "okay, well do you know of any other girls that don't have dates?"... yeah thanks a lot buddy! He didn't ask because he wanted me as his date he was just asking anyone that didn't already have a date! I know online dating has its own set of rules but hang in there girl! I know you'll meet the right man soon, and until then keep the funny stories coming :)

    1. Haha! Thanks Bizzle! I wish we were having a beer at a bar right now...=( I will keep the funnies coming!